'Tis the Season....

...for Santa photos!!

We dressed up Stella today in her Christmas best (itchy dress made of NASA-type "fabric") and hauled her out to Atlantic Station for a little shoot with a verrrry nice Santa. She didn't even cry for about 20 seconds!

The day was gorgeous. Sunny and 65 or so. Not bad for the middle of December!

But can you believe how AMAZINGLY ADORABLE?!?!?!? our little daughter is?

Papa and mama still can't get over this little girl.

Thankful.

Stella and I slipped away to Seattle this Thanksgiving to be with my family since Anthony's been so busy with work. We've been having a great time.

Sweet Baby

Stella loves her animals & everyday she enjoys collecting eggs with mama. Teaching compassion as well as where her food comes from? Check.

Boxer Commission

This guy was created for a woman who found me on Etsy & had acquired a piece previously. He was really fun to do!

Pollo Tropical

This gal is my latest hen painting...just needs to be framed up & she'll be available! It's a 1x2.

Beach Life.

We were soooooo lucky to visit a tiny island off the coast of South Carolina called Fripp recently. My sister in law Myrna rented this incredible home right on the beach and all of us got to stay together for a nice long visit. Stella loved being with everyone (especially her cousins) and I really miss the sound of the ocean. Here are some photos.

Painting.

I started painting again during my third trimester of my pregnancy with Stellie. It really just started as a way to relax and slowly morphed into picking up a trail that I left off about 10 years ago when I left art school at Evergreen. Not being in a place where I was enjoying painting, I gave it up sadly. I guess now I have the patience for it and the discipline it takes to begin with an idea and follow through - even pushing through problems that I was never willing to address then. What's even more exciting about this is that other people like them too!

The work comes from my love and respect of animals, primarily "working" and food animals that are at best overlooked from their service to society and at worst mistreated.

This is "White Rabbit on Pedestal" which recently sold...to a stranger! I took her out of the lab and put her curious and playful self up where she belongs.

This is "Ladybug the Great" which my mother bought. My best customer so far.

Just finished this one. "Comet". Sometimes I feel silly for painting chickens, but then again, I am kind of a silly person. And I don't take myself too seriously, especially in art.

A Typical Day in Our Lives.

Wake up at 7ish to Stella kicking my sides while tossing and turning – making little squeaks and grunts and other cute baby sleep noises. Pull her close, try nurse her back to sleep. Wake up for real a few minutes later to a wide-eyed smiling baby playing with my bangs and grabbing at my lips. Pull her close and hug her. Also, nibble her ear and nuzzle her chubby little cheeks.

8ish: Unglue baby’s open mouth from my face and tightly curled hands from the hair on the back of my head. When this is achieved, scoop baby up and roll out of bed to nursery for morning diaper change. Whisper baby conversation and marvel at the absolute freaking beauty of my offspring. Chuckle to myself when I note there has been no overnight dipes leakage. HAHA. Shaneen 1, diaper 0. I win today. Put baby in crib and turn mobile while trying not to trip over frenzied doggies excited for backyard squirrel check number one.

830-930: Stumble downstairs with dogs under my feet (wondering why they try to kill me on the stairs when I love them so) to let them out the door for said squirrel check, chicken check and morning doggie tee tee. Go back to retrieve baby and put her in baby k-tan sling. Go back downstairs. Make super-duper strong coffee. Try to wake up and get some major baby lovin time in. Possibly read Itsy Bitsy Spider or Owl Babies. Put Stells in Jumperoo when she’s ready for some screeching and bouncing. Drink coffee and check email & FB, liking many things.

945: Let cats out front of house, then let dogs back in (this comprises a major part of my day; letting animals in and out of their homes). Feed dogs and try not to obsess about them eating their own foods too much. End up yelling at them to “eat your own food!” and “Brando you know you’ll get sick if you eat Mia’s food” and “Mia stop standing over Brands while he EATS!” Brando suffers from chronic UTIs due to a variety of things but requires doctor prescribed dog food. Yes, that is a thing. And its super expensive.

10-11: Kiss husband goodbye as he heads to work. Put Stella in the Beco Gemini carrier and mount the elliptical after dialing up last night’s Daily Show on my laptop. (Hop off shortly after starting to let dogs back out warning them “this is your last trip out for a while guys”). Finish workout. Let dogs back in. Walk out to coop to let hens out for the day. Giggle when they all stampede towards the coolness of the deck and shaded water.

Nap #1 – 11AM

After Stells either falls asleep in the carrier or fusses enough to warrant some nursing to nap time, furiously run around the house in circles trying to decide how to spend this precious hour.

1130: Realize that not every morning nap is an hour. Also realize that I spent my precious ½ hour reading mommy blogs and trimming my bangs instead of cleaning the house. Get Stells up, change her dipes, realize there are none clean, rummage through my purse to find one. Change baby. Pick out adorable outfit. Realize she’s out grown an inordinate amount of clothing so I basically have a handful to choose from. Squeeze her into one as she smiles and squirms. (In between outfit changes, blow raspberries onto soft baby tummy and sing made-up song).

Noonish: Put diapers in washer. Have a little lunch before heading out for some errand. Errand will be either trip to Trader Joe’s (although this usually happens when I realize there is nothing to eat for lunch), or VV (the Thrift Department Store located down the street). Nurse baby Stella.

2ish: Come back a sweaty, exhausted mess; Stells is asleep in her car seat. Enter home with baby and bags in hand only to watch Mia push past us, slip through the door and dart into the street. Realize how much of a freakin mutt she looks like running around the hood with no collar on. Soon, Mia also realizes that she’s a total mutt, lucky we adopted her and runs back up the porch and into the house (probably giving her too much credit for this train of thought but that’s what I hope she thinks). I bring Stells upstairs to my bed after putting groceries away and lie down with her for the BEST nap of the day, the hot afternoon nap which hopefully lasts 2-3 hours.

NAP #2: This is probably the most solid sleep I get in my life these days.

4-5: Wake up and tip toe around the house tidying up before Stells wakes up. Or spend this precious time staring at the glorious human my husband and I created. Nurse and bathe said beauty upon her waking.

5-7: Put chickens back in coop. Put news on TV, Stells in the Gemini, create some dinner, have a glass of wine (hopefully with Anth if he isn’t working), feed dogs (acting as their doorman during this time for squirrel check numbers 2,3,4,5,6 & 7…etc.).

730-8: Put Stells in PJs and night-time diaper. Head to bed to nurse and kiss to sleep.

9-11: Read, browse web on I-Phone, or watch streaming shows or movie on I-Phone in bed while watching THE most gorgeous baby is the world sleep (and intermittently take photos of baby), check email and FB (liking a lot of things). OR if Anthony is home, sneak back downstairs to catch up or watch a Deadwood episode and eat some ice cream.

Midnightish: Fall asleep grateful and incredibly, I’m looking forward to doing the whole damn thing again tomorrow.

Grow Season

Georgia is heating up. It does so early each year and remains this way for months. I like it although many of us are forced to stay indoors during this time (Stella). Somehow despite almost complete neglect this gorgeous garden has sprung up and flourished; I thank the heat. And the sun and the rain that POURS for a few minutes then dries up. So the other day Anthony took the weed-eater to the grass that was at least two feet tall and this is what he uncovered:

< Cantaloupe!

CORN!!!!!!!!!!

WATERMELON!!!!!!!

AND of course...........Georgia peaches.

First Father's Day

It's been so neat to watch Anthony become the sweet daddy that he is. We celebrated his first father's day at auntie Myrna's house and took a couple pictures to prove that Stella didn't cry the whole time (only the last half hour). But aren't they cute together?? And they look soooo much alike.

Lately

What we've been up to lately:

Cuddling.....

Putting fists in our mouths....

Insisting on rolling over and then falling asleep by ourselves...

More cuddling.....

And using our hands to grab and play!

1st Shopping Trip

Because we're insanely protective parents, we declined to take Stella anywhere but a walk for the first six weeks after our pediatrician advised that a fever (from a common cold or any such virus) is an automatic trip to the ER and a two day hospital stay. No risk taking for us. But I finally convinced Stella's father to let us give Target a try. She was great! Timing must have been perfect because she slept the whole time, waking once in-store only to be lulled to sleep again by the cart. It was SUCH a treat to have a taste of independence; and confidence that we can have a life outside of our house.

1 Month: The Good. The Bad. The Acne.

Stella is now over a month old! A lot has already changed with her in this short "outside" time. She's now smiling (a lot).

Screaming (moderately during the evenings).

And, thank goodness, has closed the book on the acne (for now).

Life with her is wonderful and challenging.

Good Dogs.

Our awesome and entertaining mutts, Brando & Mia have definitely taken a back seat to baby Stella, as they should. But to give them props, the dogs have been pretty stinkin' good with the huge change. And so I give them a big shout out this Friday. Good dogs!!

(Other than the one poopy diaper-chewing episode - Mia!)

Yay doulas. Yay Shari!

We had a fabulous doula assist in Stella's birth, Shari Aizenman. She the wise woman with natural instincts and a sense of humor like a sailor (which is really why I love her).

I can't believe I was on the fence about getting a doula. I am soooo happy we had Shari there for the encouragement, support and love. She was also sweet enough to write our birth story down (see below).

Thanks Shari! We love you.

Stella Marie Antar’s Birth Story

By Shari Aizenman, Doula

More than anything, when I arrived at your house, your dad seemed so relieved. Your grandma was so busy attending to your mom, who was breathing through her surges while leaning across the birthing ball.

I offered Mom a pillow for underneath her knees. She said that made her more comfortable. She was beautiful, managing your her early labor so beautifully. Dad busied himself with chores to be completed, and did a halfway job of keeping the dogs out of Mom’s way. Grandma was knitting something or another...I saw all of the beautiful things she had already made for you. I pressed on Mom’s sacrum to make her surges more comfortable and after some time, we shared some tea. It had been an incredibly stormy Wednesday morning, but as we went into afternoon, the rain had subsided. It still looked kind of gray outside. It didn’t matter...we were all so excited that you were coming!

I asked Mom if she would like to get into the big bathtub upstairs to see if she could get more comfortable as you moved through her body. She said “yes” and the two of us went upstairs. Brando joined us. Mom lay on the bed while I ran a bath. She rested and labored, so beautiful, her sense of humor intact, smiling and so calm.

When Mom got into the tub, she stretched and moved to allow your body to be as comfortable as possible within hers. She let me brush her hair. We talked about so many things, mainly about letting go of stress and fear. Grandma came up to check on her.

And she moved. And shifted. And squatted. Mom was so incredible, listening to her body and staying in trust. She slowly became ready to go to the hospital. She called for Dad. He came upstairs and we all helped Mom out of the bath and into her clothes, a black dress and green sweater. (We might snicker about that for some time to come.)

Grandma and I followed Mom and Dad to the hospital. There was a moving van in the street going so slowly. I turned off and arrived at the hospital, expecting to see Dad drive up any minute. Finally, your grandma and I went to the 7^th floor at AMC looking for your mom, and as we were talking to the nurse, at 3:40pm on the 9^th of March, 2011, Mom came through the doors, wheeling herself in a wheelchair! I had never seen anything like it! (Dad had left her at the front door of the hospital to park the car. Grandma and I had come in through the emergency room.)

Nurses Sharon and Holly checked Mom into her room and Dad began to get things settled. Your mom was asking for relief of some type; still, she really kept it together as Anjli Aurora Hinman, the midwife, came into the room and offered support and encouragement. We helped the staff get the birthing tub set up and finally, Mom entered the birthing tub and was able to get a bit of relief from the warm water.

Grandma, Dad, Anjli and I surrounded and supported your mom until night fell. Shortly thereafter, your mom got a bit frustrated and we asked her to try and pee. She got out of the tub and tried in the restroom, to no avail. She came onto the bed in the room and shortly after being catheterized, began to quickly push you out of her body.

Dad was amazed. I will never forget the look on his face as the top of your sweet little head began emerging from Mom’s body. I asked Mom to look at him and as soon as she did, a huge pressure wave came over her body, I told her to reach down and take you! She was a little afraid at first, but Anjli and I encouraged her hands to your slippery body and she pulled you from between her legs and brought you to her chest. (You had an interesting entwinement thing going on, your umbilical cord wrapped around both of your arms...you must have been dancing inside Mom’s belly!) You came outside-into this world- with your right hand to your cheek, Apgar scores of 9 and 9, at 7:56 in the evening.

1st adventure out in the hood.

At risk of completely going cuckoo, I figured it was time to try for a walk around the block. Here's the video to prove it. My head almost exploded when I was rewarded for my efforts with a sun-break and horses turned out at the mounted police barn. Hey, it's the little things.

And Stella loved it! As much as a 3 week old person can love anything other than nursing and sleeping. But the breeze on her face, bird sounds and natural light got her attention and the gentle bounce of the jogger over our beat-to-crap sidewalks lulled her to a doze.

Letter to Stella. 3 Weeks Old.

Dear Stella (a message to my new baby):

I’ve been meaning to write this since you were born (three weeks ago). There are some things I’ve been thinking about that I think you should know. First, I’ve never loved someone as much as I love you. Please try to remember that always. I also now know how much your grandma truly loves me, there are few words to describe this kind of love but I feel that the cover of this silly book conveys it well.

I also want you to know that there are some promises I need to make you. You can hold me to each one.

Promise number one: I will do my best at remaining engaged. I know moms get tired, I know many tune out and take short cuts, etc. I don’t promise not to do any of that, but, I will try to do it as little as possible. How’s that. You’ve already told me you aren’t a huge fan of the swing, what you want is to be held and rocked and whispered to. I plan on doing that for as long as I am around, should you need to be held, rocked and whispered to, especially when you’re a teenager.

Promise number two: I will always take up for you. As fair minded as I consider myself to be, as empathetic and able to see all sides, I will always take up for you. Because you are my kid and if there’s one person in this world that you can count on to always be on your side, it should be your mother. Even when you’re wrong, I’ll be in your corner. Count on it.

Promise number three: you will always have a home with me. No matter how old you are. I will always provide for you. What’s mine is yours forever.

Promise number four: I will teach you everything I know. I don’t claim to know everything but experience has taught me something. I will share with you those “somethings” whenever you want or need.

Promise number five: I will show you a good time. As challenging as life can be, I promise to make it worth your while. I hope your father and I are an endless source of entertainment for you. And I can’t wait to show you how much FUN there is to be had.

So, here’s to you, dear Stella, my dream come true, my heart walking around outside of my body, my daughter. Cheers and Happy 3 Week Birthday to you!

Love,

Mommy. [Doesn’t that sound nice?]

Stella's Birth Story.

Stella Marie was born on the stormy evening of March 9th, 2011 in Atlanta, GA at 7:56PM. In attendance were several loving people, all women except for her father, Anthony.  Her grandmother Laura Noble helped her into the world, along with our doula, Shari Aizenman and Midwife Anjli.

 Stella’s estimated “due date” was 3/6/11 a Sunday. It was a pretty day and your dad and I decided to take it easy and be close to home but we did got to Yola & Nafez’ for dinner. That was the last solid night’s sleep I’ve had. That evening Anthony and I talked about calling my mom in Seattle to have her come out soon even though the plan was to call when I began labor. I guess I had a feeling I’d be having a baby soon! I called her first thing Monday morning and she said she could come out Tuesday even though there was snow on the ground in Denver, which we had kinda worried about. I started having inconsistent, light contractions on Monday afternoon with a lot of period-type pressure. Myrna said she thought I’d soon have a baby, maybe Tuesday. So did I but Stella wasn’t quite ready yet. Monday night I was very restless and having inconsistent contractions (I was still calling them “cramps” because they felt like period cramps & I was so excited but not holding my breath that it was the real thing). Tuesday morning rolled around and they dissipated. All Monday I did house chores, took care of the animals, even took out the recycling. I wasn’t sure if I was doing it because mom was coming or because I was truly getting ready for labor. Anthony and I drove to the airport at about 8 to pick up mom, chatting excitedly the whole time. When we got back to the house here in Peoplestown, we made homemade pizza had a glass of wine and chatted. That night I was even more restless and “crampy”. At about 5:30AM, Wednesday morning, I couldn’t lie down anymore so I went downstairs to watch about four M.A.S.H. episodes with Brando. We hung out down there letting everyone sleep for a good 3 hours. I made tea, ate some banana bread and waited for Anthony and mom to awake. Still feeling a little less comfy, I decided to take a bath. Anthony slept right through my Jacuzzi soak, even with the jets on and the bubbles overflowing. It was wonderful. I had lit a candle and felt the baby moving around inside of me. I knew she was considering making an appearance soon. Anthony finally got up and asked if he could help me out of the tub. I started talking to him about calling Shari, which I soon did to give her a head’s up that I was in labor.
The morning was beautiful and cloudy. Mom and I and Anthony hung out talking and listening to music while my contractions firmed up in consistency. We soon began to time them. Someone called Shari and she and I spoke again, maybe around 11am or noon, and I asked if she could swing by and evaluate me. The weather at that point was absolutely a full blown southern thunderstorm. Shari arrived soon after, soaking wet from the storm and she jumped right in to start helping me deal with intensifying contractions. We all kept hanging out in the living room listening to music, snacking and chatting (I was beginning to not want all that anymore). Shari wanted to see the nursery so we headed up there and I sat in the glider while Shari pulled up a chair. She noticed a book my aunt Jo gave us called owl kids, she said she loved that book and read it to me, which was very sweet. Meanwhile the storm outside grew more intense as did my contractions. I utilized absolutely none of my breathing techniques from the childbirth class. After the book, I felt like getting back in our Jacuzzi, which is where I labored until we left for the hospital at around 3:30PM. I had a flashback of when Anthony and I looked at the house before it was ours and I told him I’d have our baby in that tub – I wondered if that was a premonition. So did my mom who was downstairs and listening to my increasingly intense roars. We did soon pack up the car and set out to the hospital, each bump was a mountain of discomfort. [Before we left, in response to my not looking forward to the car ride, Shari reminded me that the hospital had “great ice” and “never-ending hot water”. It was something to look forward to I suppose.] We pulled up to the front and had gotten separated from mom & Shari so Anthony helped me into the lobby where the wheelchair was wheeled to me, I plopped down into it and Anthony had to go move the car so wheeled myself up to the 7th floor. I’ll never forget the looks on people’s faces as I did this – hilarious. I was wheeled back to a room with a western view of downtown Atlanta.
I was strapped into a fetal belly monitor to make sure baby was okay (“she’s a happy baby!” said a nurse) and for the nurses to look at the contractions (my mom later told me she was distressed when the nurses mouthed the word “moderate” to her in describing them). I really had begun moaning during each contraction at that point. It was also at that point that I began to ask for “a little something to take the edge off”. Shari assured me that we could visit that idea when Anjli arrived (I knew she was just putting me off but I went with it). The nurses rolled in the deep, inflatable birth tub and began to fill it. About that time is when Anjli arrived. As soon as she walked through the door, I asked her for “a little something”. She said “I’ve got a little something for you – the tub!” I was thinking “whatever” and patiently waited while the pool filled and my contractions kept rolling in.
I soon was in the tub and stayed there for the bulk of the rest of the labor. It was a completely timeless & never ending space where I dozed during my 2 minute breaks between the earth shaking contractions. This was transition and the hardest part of the labor. Anthony, mom, Shari and Anjli were all huddled around me in the tub as I shook violently, gagged, coughed, begged, roared and slept, alternately. The few times I opened my eyes, the room was filled with beautiful sunlight and all of these loving faces were looking at me. Anthony was having a hard time, I think, at this point with my pain. I could see it on his face but he stayed there, holding my hand through the toughest contractions. My mom blew on my face and Shari put cold wet towels on my back as i started feeling really hot. The women remarked that I looked like a fertility goddess/mermaid floating in the pool. I wanted to cry it was so sweet but I probably already was for different reasons. I did manage to say “thank you but I don’t feel like one”. I also recalled not believing there was an actual baby there and I definitely voiced that, mostly by accusing everyone, including Anjli, of lying. Each contraction would rise and fall and I felt no progress was being made. So, I politely asked during each contraction if I could have an epidural. No one listened because it was transition. Anjli asked if I wanted to be checked and I agreed. I was 8 cm (although she told me 9 but I heard my mom on the phone and she said 8. Oh well.) More contractions, more monster moans (I did attempt to keep them low in pitch to help bring the baby down). It was starting to get dusky outside and I couldn’t believe the baby wasn’t here yet. As the contractions grew in strength, they also began to compel my body to push. I remembered not to waste energy on pushing until my body instructed me to, but it’s not even really an instruction – it really does it on its own if you let it. At this point I think Angli checked me again and found the baby in the birth canal, she asked me to feel and I did. It was a tight, slimy, smooth surface about the size of a nickel, maybe a little bigger. “It doesn’t feel like a baby” I remember saying. “That’s because your water hasn’t broken yet, she’s still in the sac”. I thought for a quick moment “how cool, I’m going to have a baby in the tub, fully enclosed in her sac”. But things unfolded differently. After a few more pushing-type contractions on my hands and knees in the tub, I heard a loud pop and my water broke. Everyone began to notice the pushing stage had begun and so Anjli asked me to lie on my lower back/bottom with my feet up on the side of the tub. This felt really hard and uncomfortable but she was trying to get me into a good pushing position. With each grand mal contraction, Anjli asked me to bear down and push after letting it build. Nothing seemed to be happening so Anjli felt my bladder. I was totally full and so she asked me to try to pee. Nothing. So, I was helped out of the tub onto the toilet where I was really not looking forward to being for the next big one but we had to drain that bladder. The toilet was torture. No pee and horrible contractions that did nothing because of my full bladder. It was baby’s head vs. full bladder bouncing off each other. So, I willed a cease fire, telling my body to slow down until they could catheterize me. I didn’t have one for a little while, long enough to get up on the table. I did have another one, unfortunately, as they drained my bladder which sucked. But as soon as they did, I instinctively flopped to my left side and lifted my right leg into the air. Shari said this turned the baby’s head in my body so she could come out. I then was told to get on my back, my mom behind me supporting, Shari and Anthony to my sides holding my legs and Anjli in the middle. I was told to curl around my baby, holding under my knees and to push push push and bear down. We did this 3-4 times and soon I felt a burning sensation – Shari exclaimed “this is the ring of fire, Shaneen!”. She was finally crowning. I remembered not to push but to wait a minute, hoping not to tear. Another big one came, I pushed as everyone encouraged me and I soon saw the top half of my daughter as Anjli worked to untangle her umbilical cord which was twice wrapped around her upper arms with her hands by her face. Shari and Anjli told me “take your baby!” I still didn’t believe it and said “no!!”. They again said “Shaneen, take your baby!!!” I reached between my legs to see a blue black wiggling creature, slipped my hands under her arms and pulled her from my body and onto my chest. The joy of that moment has outmatched any other in my lifetime. The love I felt for Anthony and her was incredible. I’m so proud of all of us for bringing Stella into the world in the most natural and safe way we knew how. Shari said “you didn’t do this so you could wear a badge on your arm for having an un-medicated birth, you did this so you could give your daughter the best gift of all: to let her write her own birth story. You let the mystery unfold on its own”. I have to say, although it took a couple days to get there, I have no regrets and would do it again. Magic. Agonizing and beautiful magic.



 

Welcome Stella Marie!

Born Wednesday evening at 7:56PM.

More to come on her birth story later....